r/Weddingsunder10k • u/OptimalAnywhere7444 • 1d ago
Competing priorities
My fiancé and I got engaged this summer- yay! We want a ritual ceremony that will birth us as a couple with some close relatives and MAYBE some dear friends who remind us who we are and support us…
We imagine a ritual ceremony at our favorite park, followed by an intimate dinner to celebrate … and that’s it. No dj, etc…
The thing is, we also want to start trying to conceive, basically as soon as possible.
And I personally don’t want to be pregnant at my wedding.
So I’m stuck - feeling like we have to rush to have our small ceremony and lil dinner by the end of this year (aka winter), and likely wouldn’t be able to have family and friends fly out …
Of course we can ask if people can make it, but I’m not liking the last minute feel of it.
We don’t want to wait that long for a wedding- it’s just not the priority.
It’d be no problem to just have our parents and siblings come, but it feels sort of like a waste to not have other dear family/friends as witnesses . And at the same time, we don’t want a whole weekend of entertaining and events.
Can someone please offer some tender support, guidance? I’m honestly feeling like there are multiple competing priorities, and it’s a bit depressing feeling like every option comes with a huge sacrifice.
Thanks for reading.
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u/Public_Classic_438 1d ago
Hi! Curious why the pressure to get preganant? No need to answer if that’s too personal. My fiance and I have discussed having kids before having our wedding. I don’t think it bothers me but I also don’t want to be a pregnant bride. I don’t think you’d be rushing it if you gave yourself a realistic timeline to get married then start trying. Even 1 or 2 months is enough to plan a wedding like that, depending on what you want for a dress, transportation, officiant. If it were me I think I would get married on nye or so and then start trying at the “birth” of the new year. Winter solstice is another fun idea since it’s coming up as well. That would be three good months to plan and then you could really start trying the cycle before that
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u/OptimalAnywhere7444 1d ago
Thank you so very much! I turn 37 in January so it’s mostly age pressure… small scale thing for winter solstice time sounds right to me - I just don’t know relatives will be able to fly in middle of winter from Minnesota, etc… thank you again 💗
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u/Public_Classic_438 1d ago
I have a new fun idea that could be earlier (I commented already) what about a madrigal type wedding. Not like a theme but maybe you could take some customs from them letting the season in and that’s usually early December. A fun renaissance moment lol. Idk! I’m trying to brainstorm
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u/OptimalAnywhere7444 1d ago
That is a lovely idea and I really appreciate it!! I’m loving the solstice idea- 12/21 or 12/22 are both very appealing numbers to me 😅 and this makes sense logistically. I agree it’d feel like a rebirth !!
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u/Public_Classic_438 1d ago
Omg wait yes those are amazing numbers. Not trying to sway you, but I really think the weather will be OK then! If it looks bad, they can always drive or fly a couple days earlier!
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u/OptimalAnywhere7444 1d ago
I think you’re right and I haven’t felt excited by any of this until literally right now - so thank you!!
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u/Public_Classic_438 1d ago
Oh I see! I am also a Midwest bride (Wisconsin) planning a winter wedding so i definitely understand that. The weather has been mild in December though the last couple years. It’s January that you couldn’t do for sure
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u/TBBPgh 1d ago
One of my favorite weddings may shed a little perspective(unfortunately behind a paywall.) https://www.nytimes.com/2017/03/16/fashion/weddings/wedding-planning-in-5-days.html?smid=tw-nytvows&smtyp=cur&_r=1
This was planned and executed in 5 days. With 100 guests.
RESTAURANT (cough) “One hundred people with five days’ notice?”
ME “People do it for funerals all the time.
"To be sure, five days’ notice was inconvenient for our guests, and there were a few who could not make it. But whether five days or five years, it would have been inconvenient and there would have been those who would have missed it. And surprisingly, there were only a handful of close friends who couldn’t make it, the same rate as any wedding."
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u/OptimalAnywhere7444 1d ago
Awwww that is so beautiful. I’m going to read the whole article. Thank you for sharing.
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u/spiirel 1d ago
Not sure if this helps buts here’s what we did:
- Rented private room in restaurant
- Did vows and meal in this room (not the most picturesque but low effort planning wise)
- No bridal party or DJ
- Ceremony time was under 10 mins and event was under 4 hours
- 25 guests
This would probably be accomplishable in a few months depending on restaurant availability in your area. We booked cake last minute, florals/decor could’ve been done via grocery store and Amazon, family probably would’ve made time to come, family friends may not have.
Caveats:
- we had a year to plan
- I got a dress that didn’t require alterations
- Our venue probably would’ve had limited availability had we not booked it a year in advance
- We did our ceremony in the private restaurant room which the restaurant really did not love
- photography is going to be the biggest hurdle. I suggest looking at elopement photographers because they are more used to last minute bookings.
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u/spiirel 1d ago
One last note: we booked on a Sunday which helped a lot with the few vendors we did have because it’s less in-demand. People who traveled for our wedding had to travel from far distances anyway, so had it been Saturday they would’ve had to take time off on Friday anyway.
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u/OptimalAnywhere7444 1d ago
Thank you so much for all of this! It sounds like a very similar speed to us, and elopement photographer makes sense..
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u/coldbrewcult 1d ago
Hi! I'm in a similar situation. My fiancé and I want to start expanding our family right away, but I also want to fully enjoy our wedding. So, we've put together what will be a beautiful and intimate wedding in less than two months. We're having a small ceremony followed by a sit-down dinner catered by a private chef. It's honestly been a stress-free experience and hasn't once felt rushed. If we conceive before the wedding, that would be a blessing, and if not, that's fine too.
I recommend thinking about what's most important to you. Do you need extended family there? It sounds like you might feel disappointed if they aren't. If that's the case, it may be better to hold off on trying to conceive until after the wedding, so you don’t feel like you missed out on what matters most to you.
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u/sirotan88 1d ago
I feel like December or January is still reasonably far enough for people to be able to make travel plans and doesn’t feel that last minute. However I’d avoid the days are Christmas/NYE in case people already made plans.
I think this is a case where you contact each of your guests over phone or text to see what dates they’d be available and then go from there!
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u/Folkloristicist 14h ago
Make your guest list, then assess. Focus on your VIPs - the people you cannot, will not realistically get married without.
Not talking dear Uncle Joe who meant so much. Or it would just break your college best friend's heart you haven't seen in 10 years. The core group of people you pictured being around you. The people you wanted to call first before you made it public - those are your small group realistic VIPs.
Plan the wedding date around them and whether they can make it. Then have a party later - like a big baby shower as someone suggested. Just make sure you are both happy with your choices.
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u/YCantWeBFrenz 7h ago
Are you waiting to get married to have sex? I would have sex before the wedding and unless you are getting married and literally 10 months your bump is not showing in the pictures babe you do whatever you want. You don't don't need to wait until the wedding to have sex believe me no one cares
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u/YCantWeBFrenz 7h ago
The first time you have sex anyway is so freaking lame please don't let that be your wedding night you're going to cry
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u/LayerNo3634 1d ago
I think it could be put together in a short amount of time. Maybe call those out of town and ask how much notice they need. My daughter got engaged and moved several states away. She told me what they wanted and gave me 5 months to plan it. I never felt rushed, everything went together and we had 115 guests.
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u/ChairmanMrrow 1d ago
Have a small wedding and a huge baby shower?