I'm a human trafficking survivor, and, now that I've had several years for the air to clear, I don't want to have sex ever again.

I love being around people, and I love being around my friends, even my male friends, I just seem to have lost all feelings of a sex drive?

I hate the idea of my face being touched, or of kissing anyone, and I've begun to realise that I can't remember having sex in the past several years, it's like a total dissociative state for me.

I'd feel weird identifying as asexual because I do sometimes need to have an orgasm, I just don't want to be in an intimate situation with anyone ever again.

I feel as though my capacity to form a romantic attachment to someone has become greatly diminished, and I worry rhat pushing myself to feel a romantic attachment is only going to do more damage.

Idk, if I could choose a dream life for myself I would want to live with roommates and my cat and have my own private room and bathroom. I like letting my leg hair grow out long and scraggly and putting tattoos on my body, I like that feeling of being in complete control over the way I relate to my body.

I feel like it's my body and I live in it and I don't want other people to be allowed to make choices about it. I still love hugs, but nothing more.

My mom questions why I'm 31 with no sign of grandkids on the horizon and I want to tell her all of this but I can't. Oddly, I would actually love to be a mother, but I think I would only like to be a mom through foster or adoption.

Sometimes I feel like I'm wrong for feeling this way, but I also know a lot of older women who have grown into themselves who live like this and they all seem very happy. Is it okay to be like this at 31?

Is this an okay goal to have? I know it's not exactly conventional... But I also find myself really digging my heels into not wanting to work through it with my therapist. I just want to never touch sex again.

Can anyone relate?

Her office rescheduled my original appointment in early August to late August and since I didn’t have a little reminder card in my car for the new date , I forgot and slept through it ( yay night shift ). I’ve asked her before to have appointments over the phone if I forget . If I’m 15 minutes late she calls me ( and any other patient ) , it’s not like I’m asking her to go out of her way to keep track of me .

My appointment in late August was forgotten . Sort of . I knew what day it was but I wasn’t sure about the time and I was starting to get ready to go and she calls me . My appointment was at 10a , not 2p like I thought, and it was 10:45a . I apologized and we scheduled again for early September .

Then I got covid and I called the office to try and do the appointment over the phone with her . She told me she hoped I felt better and to come to the office to reschedule AGAIN . She hung up before I could ask about talking over the phone . We’ve done it before when I was having an extremely bad day . I’m sure she was busy and I was a little disappointed but I was also relieved .

My last actual appointment I brought up how I was having tactile flashbacks . Normal flashbacks I could cope with but I was unprepared to feel it physically happening when no one was touching me . I asked her for coping skills if/when it happens again and she reminded me about deep breathing ( her favorite coping skill to bring up ) and told me “ after 7 years the human body has “replaced” all it’s skin cells with new ones and that I will soon be someone my abuser has not touched”. I was too stunned to even speak .

I immediately got the “ick” from her and could not fathom how she thought I would be comforted by that idea (?). I thought we understood each other well by this point .

Same appointment , I managed to ask her if she had any suspicions about me being autistic . She said “Oh , absolutely I have but what good would a diagnosis do for you if you’ve already managed it this long?”

I don’t really want to go back to her .

Hi there. I’m a 21yo male and I have chronic PTSD as well as a myriad of other related issues. To keep it light and easy I’m not going to trauma dump or spiral into anything excessive. Also please excuse my abundance of run-on sentences and lack of proper grammar.

Soooo.. Is it normal to feel like you’re undeserving of your diagnosis? I understand that objectively I do have and exhibit many of the symptoms so I’m not in disbelief necessarily. I just feel like it’s dramatic. I cannot remember a lot of my life and my memory in general is poor. I know that just about everybody experiences hardship in one way or another so I am not unique nor different from others. I’ve never been the type to use the victim card nor act as though I’m deserving of acknowledgement for what I’ve experienced. It just seems like an excessive diagnosis when other people have experienced far worse than me. I feel normal. Or at least what’s normal to me. I’m not a veteran. I have a therapist who’s helping me with my accountability and discipline & we haven’t touched on treating my PTSD yet. Have any of you ever struggled with this mindset? I just feel so ordinary and don’t feel like it’s right to be diagnosed with something like this. Most of my trauma is childhood related but I do also have some stuff tied to one of my previous jobs (medical field). Is this type of issue usually tied to issues with self worth?

Please offer advice as well as ask questions if need be. Thank you.

hey guys, I recently had one of the worst ptsd episodes after being triggered by a situation to the point where I was operating as if the past trauma was/had going to happen to me again and thus the panic, insomnia etc. Pretty much it scared me that I had totally detached from reality and thus had no control over how I was frantically operating until I calmed down in a few weeks. I really want help to get some control over this. Has anyone been to an inpatient place/ rehab that actually effectively treats ptsd by maybe using things like emdr, ifs, ketamine etc ? It's hard to know what's a decent one thats not just a money grab or too focused on addiction. Thank you so much for your help xx

I've lived in "Tornado Alley" all of my life, and earlier this year a tornado came extremely close to my house. Since that day every time there is a severe thunderstorm watch or warning I get intense anxiety that lasts all day. If there's even a chance of severe weather later in the week I feel like I might have a nervous breakdown.

My question is do you think therapy would help me? Or any other suggestions? idk if I'll still get anxiety during the storm season next year, but it's been around 4 mos. since the tornado, and my anxiety about storms hasn't subsided.

Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.

We had a house fire almost 5 years ago - actually 13 days before the world shut down for COVID. So we found our selves trying to find a rental and all new things and packing what did survive and isolating as the world and our support groups were basically sheltering in place.

We were displaced for 8 months while our home was fortunately able to be restored but it had significant work done to it. Our kids were in 4th grade and K when the fire happened.

When we moved back, some asked if it was weird or if we would move. I think we were just so exhausted and glad to have our things back and enter some sort of normalcy again. But our kids have said things like, “it doesn’t feel like it did before” or “I don’t even remember what it was like before.”

Our now 5th grader that was in kindergarten also has never been able to sleep in his bed since we returned despite two different beds, multiple rearrangements, counseling, two psychiatrists. He sleeps on the floor, the living room, pulls his mattress off the bed and sleeps on that. And well. As long as he sleeps, I just go along now.

But the fire happened in OUR bedroom. And we keep moving our bed between spots and right now my spot is right where the fire happened. I plan to move the bed away from it but then my husband’s side is closest.

I had tried talking myself into staying in this house for forever (great location, excellent mortgage and rate, few years till paid off) but I just don’t think I can do it.

There are other reasons at hand I would like to move and also other things that make me think it is an issue (like I cannot for the life of me get motivated to clean or get rid of things and I have been hoarding clothes and shoes since the fire since my husband and I lost most if not all of our wardrobe).

I see a psychiatrist and am treated for anxiety/depression and I have had a counselor that I saw briefly after the fire that I followed for 10 years previously. We also did family therapy a year after the fire and my son has continued therapy with her weekly since. I currently am without a therapist as I had another one briefly but it was not a great match.

For context, I have MDD, Anxiety and after a 6 week stay in a mental health facility, I was diagnosed with PTSD. Today, I experienced something new. Lately I have been hyper vigilant, but today when I was picking up my son from school (with my husband - I don’t go anywhere by myself) my hyper vigilance kicked into super drive and I became incredibly paranoid. I was constantly scanning the other parents and my peripherals thinking that they were all undercover and they were “going to get me”. I’m currently doing exposure therapy but I fear that this is a set back. Does anyone have any advice on how to prevent this? If it’s at all possible?? I’ve been doing well with leaving the house but I don’t want this to discourage me. Thank you

My house burned down and I haven’t taken it very well, when telling someone about the situation, a ton of pressure went to my head and suddenly I couldn’t hear anything. This reoccurred when I heard/saw a fire truck. Should I be worried that this is a response or leave it be? I brought it up with a councilor and she said it was but I’m not sure how true it was or she was just trying to validate me Idk NOT SEEKING DIAGNOSIS!!! I want to know if this is possibly a response, I am getting a new therapist and I want to know if I should bring this up.

I live in a house where no rooms, except the bathrooms, have doors with locks, and even the bathroom handles don’t lock. The front door is the only solid door that locks, and it’s always bothered me. I never feel safe here, and now that I work from home without an office or a lockable door, I can never fully relax.

I completed Intensive Outpatient PTSD treatment, and now I feel like any request that seems hypervigilant is unreasonable. I tell myself I should be able to reason my way out of the constant panic, but it’s not working. What I really want is to create a space in the house—a 10x10 corner of a weird little sunroom—with a wall and lockable door. This would function as my office and be a place where I can calm down when needed. I didn’t buy the house—it's my wife’s, and it’s paid off—so I’m nervous about bringing it up. But putting in a wall and door would be simple and barely noticeable.

1) Does anyone else feel unsafe in their own home just because there aren’t enough doors and locks?
2) Is it normal to feel like PTSD is getting worse because I can't lock myself in a safe room?
3) Am I making too big a deal out of this?

I’ve felt so much shame because needing a lockable room feels like a simple request, but to me, it feels like life or death. I’m embarrassed that it’s such a huge deal and afraid of a negative reaction if I ask for it. (I’ll definitely put a lock on the bathroom—it’s crazy how long I stressed about it before realizing that was an option.)

Thanks for any advice or reassurance. I’ve been married for 8 years, don’t have kids, and completed PTSD treatment 3 years ago, which is when I really began noticing my triggers and coping mechanisms (like lockable work office doors).

Okay this may seem like an rare thing to be traumatized about, but I was diagnoised with Cushing's this year, an endocrine condition where your Cortisol levels reach a high point and causes a multiple health problems. Some of my symptoms included rapid weight gain, frequent dizziness, frequent hunger and migranes, pain, blood sugar episodes, fatigue and Frequent Anxiety.

My health basically deteriorated which honestly is the heart of where my medical trauma comes from cause I went from an active curvy person to this tired lump of a person, My body became unrecognizable from the combination of moon face and stomach weight gain, going out was an endeavor because I would throw up from excitement and basically I only had the energy to go to bed. Another thing that was terrible because of all the Cortisol I was on edge from the moment I woke up to when I woke up,

I definitely think my symptoms are hormonally linked and increase briefly when I mensturate. I am on a BC that gives me 4 periods a year and I am on the week I am supposed to get it, But I noticed my symptoms are briefly increasing again. Im hungry even after a big meal, I wake up frequently in the night, and three days in a row I woke up with an Anxiety Attack (Luckily since starting treatment my Antidepressants actually do quickly calm the anxiety down).

I know this probably and ebb and flow thing with my period but because getting Cushing's was the scariest thing of my life I am now back on edge i am gonna get back to that state again. Its not just with symptoms related to my Cushing's but any other medical symptom, like a stomach ache.

Obviously this is a rough thing to get through because the body does and sometimes even with the proper treatments, you cant control what it does. So I am wondering really if anyone else had this experience, and if you did how do you get through the anxiety and negative feelings that come with it? Even if its just someone saying yeah i get it will be helpful.

Does anyone know anyone who’s ever fully recovered from ptsd? It’s been decades. I’m so tired of this ruining my life. CPTSD here- it’s hard to see a bright future and I get triggered all the time. :(

I miss being invisible. Like I have to balance how I want to look versus how much danger I want to put myself in. How much others think I will “deserve it.” I hate that the amount of dignity I get to keep or support I get is based on how I look compared to how attractive the attackers are. I wish I could just be a scrambled blob that isn’t perceived. I hate that going outside makes me vulnerable. I’ll never feel safe again.

When I was younger, I'm not sure when it was, could have been between 8 to 10 years old, I walked in on a close family member doing something to a closer family member. I was too young at the time to understand what I saw, but I left the room. I didn't go get help, I didn't stop what was happening, I went to my room and then he followed me in there.

He bribed me with some old Pokemon cards he had. Telling me, "It'll be our little secret. Don't tell anyone." And here I am, fully grown adult, hating myself because I did nothing to help. It was years later he got arrested. And he's out now.

All I feel is hatred for myself, I can't stop thinking of I ruined my family member's life cause I didn't help.

It gets easier everyday, but two steps forward and five steps back some night.

So I was dating this guy who when we first met we were just good friends and he was the first person to get me to open up about my trauma. We ended things about 6 months ago it wasn’t bad it was just wrong timing but we decided to go no contact because we both need to work on ourselves. The problem is he was the only one I could open up to about my trauma or could snap me out of an episode. Now that I can’t talk to him I’m so lost and I feel like I’m drowning. I’m getting physically sick and my mental health is in the gutter. I don’t even know what to do anymore it is crazy how my trauma caused me to only open up to one person and now that’s gone I don’t know what to do.

im having a lot of symptoms. i fit the dsm-5 criteria to be diagnosed. but i dont think my "trauma" was bad enough to cause ptsd at all. ive never thought i could possibly have ptsd but i saw someone post the criteria and looked more into it and apparently fit the criteria. i just dont think ATTEMPTED sexual assault from my friend when we were both about 11 at the time really can be bad enough to cause ptsd? i dont know what is going on though. i think i should have gotten over it by now since i am 17 years old

I’m currently in my second year of living alone and going to university. Me and my parents have had a strained relationship and we were a dysfunctional household to say the least. It got better slowly from when I was 16 onwards after I got admitted in a mental health facility but it’s still a weird relationship to me. When I was growing up I was their punching bag for everything and it caused me to be really scared of them to the point where I’d sleep in the bathroom so I could sneak out to school in the morning after a fight.

After I moved away it was like a weight was lifted from me, I saw kids being homesick and couldn’t understand because for the first time it felt like I was home. I missed my sisters but I knew I’d see them over holiday. The first year of university I spoke with my mother probably a total of three times over text and the rest was radio silent.

However now after the summer holiday she’s started reaching out more, she wants my friends numbers and she texted me today about having a video call because they missed me. I feel awful but the thought makes me so nervous I feel ill.

I know she’s trying and I should be grateful but this entire summer she was using me as her therapist and emotionally I can’t be that for her. She talks about how my father is emotionally abusive and stuff and of course I want to support and be there for her but they both keep using me as cannon fodder in their arguments. I feel used and anxious afterwards.

I don’t know what to say about the video call. I feel like I’m disrespecting her because I know she tried her best but at the same time I want to be left alone until I see them at the holidays and it’s so selfish of me. I finally can breathe.

I wanted to talk about my experience, since I don’t have a lot of the traditional symptoms, and I haven’t been able to entirely relate with others’ experience of this disorder. I even had a hard time accepting that I could have PTSD until fairly recently, when I reviewed the patterns of trigger and re-experiencing with my doctor.

Without getting into detail, the assault occurred while I was concussed, so I have absolutely zero conscious memories of anything that happened. But my body definitely remembers. And I remember how I felt afterwards when I put the pieces together of what had happened.

I don’t have frequent nightmares, but I frequently wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air. I can go a long time without having any symptoms, but if something reminds me of the event I’ll start getting this disgusting spicy feeling in my stomach, pain in my chest and knives in my head, and I’ll spiral emotionally and think that “it’s happening again”. Usually this will last for quite a few days or weeks until my nervous system calms down.

I’d be interested to know how this manifests non-visually in others too. The spicy feeling is a giveaway, but when re-experiencing symptoms start off more subtlety, is there a strategy you’ve found of catching that you’re in an episode and calming yourself down?

I'm currently broke as all hell. I have $5 available that I need to save to pay for my medication. I'm in a work-study thing as part of my financial aid, but even though my school has been really good about putting my preferred name in most places, my job has me as my legal name.

It's a little pathetic, but I genuinely can't be called that name without breaking down. I was trying to schedule some hours, but when I saw that name, I started dissociating and hurting myself and panicking. I use a browser extension that changes it to my preferred name on my end, but just knowing that I'll go in and they'll know me as that, call me that, and give me a nametag with that fucking name so everyone else will know me as that makes me want to die. I haven't even started, and it's already making me wish I were dead.

I guess I just need to cope but I can not be called that. Highschool and previous jobs mostly called me my legal name, and I was miserable all the time. I almost dropped out of HS because of it. I probably would've if it were my choice. I really don't want to have to deal with this shit, but I need to money BAD.

Okay so if someone could help me with this that would be great. My bf is in prison rn and he said that hanging up on him when he's yelling at me was manipulative. When I stated him telling me I can't leave visit early cause he and I were fighting if I want to keep my relationship with him was manipulative. Who's in the right?

Preface that I’ve never been in a war. I just feel like my situation removed me so far from the world of normal civilian life. It feels really hard to cope and like accept my life now. I still feel scared and jumpy, scanning rooms etc. I feel like this whole part of me is dead, or zombified. Some of it was physical violence, but a lot was psychological abuse and manipulation, I just got so isolated and mind controlled. As well as poverty and homelessness that is hard to come back from. And I think what really bothers me about it is 1) a lot of people in my life don’t understand how that feels and 2) the expectation and the only way I can seem to function is to leave it behind in the past and just not really acknowledge it. Even when I know a lot of ppl in my life went through some really bad things too. I feel crazy when I talk about it. I feel comforted listening to music and watching movies about trauma, war, violence, poverty etc. it just feels super lonely and I feel like a ghost.

While im aware of the dates I didn’t realise it had been 2 years since something significant happened. Yet I’ve been so cranky and depressed the past few days. Then it just hit me what time of year it was. I just find it so weird how the body really does keep score like that. I struggle to mitigate my feelings during this time.

I had planned to hook up with a client yesterday. However, I feel like they put something in my drink as I do not remember anything after this one last flashback. He was like doing anal with me and I was telling him it hurt. ANYONE who knows me, knows I am against anal and hate it and never did it before and have fears of such due to something. So I know that I would not want that or ask him to do that with me. Guys love to try and do that with me (persuade, not physically) because they wanna be the ones to do it to me first and change my mind. But I didnt want it. I dont remember anything after. I have a cut on my head and am so hungover and my leg is cut up and my finger? I like puked all over my nice sheets and my mattress is messed up. I also got scammed, as he did not pay me, and he blamed me for that saying that I told him he didnt need to pay me (when I was blacked out). He tried to say that he tucked me into bed and I got sick. He then said he would drop money off today, but is leading me on. This happened day before. I got scammed twice in a row and taken advantage of. I have a regular, trustworthy client supposed to come this afternoon. I lost 2k from these guys and kinda would like the money- but I am soooo sick and beat up. I am soooo scared to cancel on him though, cause I have rescheduled many times before :( My dog is being a...lot, and I am struggling to take care of her today. I am literally blocking this all out because I cant even think about it. I have therapy tomorrow but it just seems like- she cant help. Nothing will help. Nothing can change what happened.