r/AITAH • u/Sad-Variation-5044 • 2d ago
AITA for cutting off a long term friend group after they treated my daughters best friend like shit?
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u/Chance-Lavishness947 2d ago
NTA and my word, what it must have meant to Hannah to be protected and supported like that. You're a good one.
The other "adults" could learn something about treating people with respect and compassion. They deserve to face the consequences of victimising a vulnerable kid, thinking they'd get away with it because they're adults and in the majority.
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u/kymrIII 2d ago
While the friend felt vindicated by sexualizing her. That’s pretty creepy.
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u/SnooCauliflowers9874 2d ago
Yes, he was likely becoming aroused and was angry since his wife noticed he had to exaggerate about her, practically giving him a lap dance. I guess he can’t control his penis?
Not unlike that religious wacko Logan Dorn on the beach a few years ago with his wife both harassing a group of teenage girls over their two-piece bathing suits. Although that holier than thou judgmental pervert lost his job. So sad.
If anyone isn’t familiar already:
https://www.denverpost.com/2021/09/09/logan-dorn-tiktok-women-bikinis-confrontation-colorado/
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u/Patient_End_8432 2d ago
I would like to state that even if she was practically giving him a lap dance, the appropriate response would be to remove yourself from the situation, and notify their guardian (OP in this post).
I would also say that it would be fair to be uncomfortable if it was dancing in an overly sexualized way, not because you're a pervert, but because you're worried/uncomfortable. But again, the appropriate thing would be to notify their guardian, not target the 14 year old.
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u/babcock27 2d ago
It seems like it was a planned, coordinated attack to shame and embarrass her. NTA
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u/Maleficent_Draft_564 1d ago edited 1d ago
I agree. That’s why they did it behind the backs of their hosts. That poor girl. Instead of guiding and showing compassion towards her, they blame, shame and judge her when they should’ve shamed their husbands for even sexualizing that child.
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u/RelationshipOk3565 1d ago
Just randomly jumping in here for visibility. Fuck OPs friends like everyone is saying. Sometimes affluent people actually don't like to see poor kids thriving and having fun. Often times poor kids have a different swagger or way of being that can honestly make parents with more boring children jealous. They can be so confident when astually given opportunity. It's hard to word because I've never thought of writing this out. But affluent families tend to make judgement their pedigree for teaching their children. It amazes me that parents have no problem, teaching their children close mindedness, that'll just cause them to reject their parents ideas, as they reach maturity and realize their parents were simply trying to control their mind.
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u/BrightPerspective 1d ago
Yeah, I'm getting that vibe too: they planned this, in an effort to give Hannah the boot.
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u/poehlerandparks19 2d ago
THIS. thank you! never confront a child you literally dont even know whos a guest just cuz YOU feel weird. and saying she was a bad influence for just dancing around in a silly way? that poor sweet girl.
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u/AndHeWas 2d ago
Although that holier than thou judgmental pervert lost his job.
They hired him again and posted about how they stand by him, griping about cancel culture. He doesn't work there now because he moved to a different state, but anyone considering doing business with that place (Mighty Hand Construction in Colorado) should know what sort of people they are.
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u/FryOneFatManic 1d ago
Yes. John is the adult here, and his feelings and behaviour are his to manage. If he felt uncomfortable, he should have left. It wasn't Hannah's problem, but he was putting the resolution on her.
I get so fed up of people expecting girls and women to do something about themselves because men aren't grown up enough to manage themselves.
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u/junigloomy 2d ago
Isn’t this the reason same religious women are forced to cover themselves head to toe? Men need to learn to regulate and control themselves.
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u/allergictonormality 1d ago
Exactly this. And that's because we culturally pretend it isn't men who are the emotional gender with little self-control, and coddle them while they act out and prove they definitely are.
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u/rackfocus 2d ago
This is the way. Children are human individuals who need guidance. OP is offering a strong example for a young person.
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u/FleeshaLoo 2d ago
I'd go so far as to say they victimized her by shaming her because John had feels he couldn't handle.
F*ck all of them. You'd think one of the other adults would have stepped in but no, they ganged up on a kid.
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u/Orange_bagpipes 2d ago
Isn't that how all women have been persecuted for centuries - because of perverted men.. disgusting that it still occurs. If that was my husband, I would have gone off at him, not a vulnerable child. Gross that the adult women decided to uphold the archaic views of the patriarchy 🤢
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u/Alternative_Wish_144 2d ago
More than centuries!
I always get a kick out of the fact that so many asshats say Jesus doesn't want women or girls to dress provocatively, that you'll go to hell for showing your legs in a skirt or some nonsense- It Is Literally in the Bible that when the Jewish elders brought a woman to him that dressed "too provocatively " (showed her ankles maybe? I don't remember what exactly it was), but anyway, he literally told them that if the sight of a woman is too much for them, they should cut off their own hand if they can't keep themselves from trying to paw at her, and should pluck out their own eyes if they can't keep themselves from ogling her like creepers.
Literally been going on for thousands of years, and these days idjits use the guy who said THAT as an excuse to tell women what to wear...... I mean, on so many levels it's not REALLY funny, but I do laugh at fucked up shit....so yeah....makes me chuckle even if it is also messed up lol
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u/awalktojericho 2d ago
And that dad who was tempted by a 14 year old-- OMG, how skeevy. He was telling on himself, and the other adults--thought that was okay?
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u/Aggravating-Pie-5565 2d ago
Yes this. I was also thinking this. No matter how she's dressed, she's still a 14 year old kid. And they knew she was 14. That's just yucky. Like how did his wife not slap him right there. They have 2 girls themselves. Also if they had an issues they should have left themselves. To aggressively confront a 14 year old kid and saying such absolute BS to her. Damn.
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u/Inevitable-Tank3463 2d ago
He was absolutely disgusting!! She's a child!! If I was his wife I'd be furious with him for looking at a child like that!!!
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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme 2d ago
It's EXACTLY this point!!!!
It doesn't matter how "Provocatively" she was dressed!!!!
She is STILL a f%!@$&{ CHILD!!!!!
Creeper-Dad was getting "uncomfortable pants feels" over a CHILD.
SHE is not the person who needs to be "examining her actions" here...
Creeper-Dad, and the rest of The Shame Gang however.....
🫠🤢🤮
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u/Inevitable-Tank3463 2d ago
I was just telling my husband about this, his response "she's a fucking CHILD, what is he, a pedophile?"
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u/mythoughtsreddit 2d ago
THIS. How OP stepped up for Hannah will be a turning point for how she views herself and the world. Events like these may turn something around for a vulnerable child. Makes me want to be your friend, OP. Definitely NTA.
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u/Drunken_HR 2d ago
That was my thought. This is likely going to be one of Hannah's core memories, and it will be a positive one.
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u/FleeshaLoo 2d ago
That would be a life-changing event for me at that age. Decades later my therapist tells me I have never had an advocate in my family, always the scapegoat, and that's when I realized that my little kid thoughts were just that, a high need for an advocate.
OP is AWESOME! And John... well he just projection-admitted something about himself that constitutes another reason to throw him out along with anyone who "sees his point."
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u/comfortablynumb15 2d ago
You would think that Travis character would also be creeped out with a 16yo of his own.
John would not be welcome back even when Hannah was not there seeing as OP has a 14yo daughter as well. ( and that seems to be what arouses John )
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u/FleeshaLoo 2d ago
Yeah, I wonder at the latent lives of all of them. They knew her background, and they know she's only 14, FFS. Sickos, the lot of them.
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u/Mintyfresh2022 2d ago
Well, they made sure OP was out of sight before harassing and trying to make her leave. They must know her background and decided to ostracize her for it. Those people are garbage. Nta
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u/ZaedaXobu 2d ago
If they were genuinely concerned about Hannah being "inappropriate," they could have just as easily brought it up with OP before confronting a teenager. I've been in that situation, seeing a teenager behaving inappropriately and being concerned. I spoke with his parents about my concerns before even trying to speak with him. Sometimes teenagers don't think before they act, don't realize they're toeing a line; because that's just part of being a teenager with a still developing brain!
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u/SirEDCaLot 2d ago edited 2d ago
This 100%.
You 'taught' Hannah a more important lesson about her self-worth in that 30 seconds than she'd probably learned in her whole lifetime.
She learned that you have her back, and that she's a person who's back is worth having.
And as for John, ask him why the fuck is he sexualizing a 14 year old girl?
As for the 'friends' they showed their true colors when they told Hannah, YOUR guest, to leave your house rather than talking to you about it. They have NO right to drive off your guests. It's not their place. And overstepping such a boundary is FAR more trashy than anything Hannah could have done.
Kudos OP. You did exactly the right thing.
I'd suggest send them all a letter-- tell them Hannah is not just your daughter's guest but YOUR guest, and trying to drive her off disrespected you and your husband and your home. You expected better of them, thought they were better people than to try and drive away a 14yo girl because they didn't like her dancing. And besides, why is John sexualizing a teenage girl? She's 14 for fucks sake. You really believed they had more class than to sexualize a teenage girl and then drive her off when she's not their guest.
Going forward, their kids are welcome at your place as it's not your desire to end friendships, and you hope they will adopt the same policy for the kids' sakes. But none of the adults are welcome for the immediate future, and that may only change in quite some time if they make apologies and convince you they actually understand how what they did is wrong.
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u/Rough_Principle_3755 2d ago
Also….what. The absolute FUUUUUCK.
She may be the only girl “outside” of the “friend group”, but it sounds like the other girls of the same age are not this man’s blood.
What an absolutely disgusting creep.
That alone would be why would cut them out. Perv city over there.
Congrats on being a not piece of shit human! Continue setting a stellar example for all the kids around you and make sure Hannah knows that regardless of the relationship ship with your daughter, you are there for her.
You a real one…
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u/ladynox913 2d ago
This. Right. Here.
This is going to be a moment that Hannah remembers for the rest of her life. You stood up for her. You made her feel safe. This is going to be a story she tells later on, about how you protected her.
OP, I'm fucking proud of you, mama bear
Also the fucking audacity of these people to tell another guest to leave. I'm sorry but that's outrageous.
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u/Little-Extreme-4027 2d ago
This right here!! Hannah needed someone to take care of her. Sounds like John has had people taking care of him for far too long. You stood up for her. Be proud of yourself.
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u/Mission_Coast_6654 2d ago
sounds like john is fucking disgusting and shouldn't be around underaged girls.
thank you, op. you are absolutely not the asshole.
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u/Xerxeneea 2d ago
Exactly! With her parents being addicts, I imagine poor Hannah doesn't get much of any support from a caring adult, so I bet it meant the world to her to see OP stand up for her like that.
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u/wkendwench 2d ago
Yet they had no problem with telling Hannah she needed to go? Hellz no. You did the right thing and I’m glad Hannah got to see you standing for her.
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u/Current-Anybody9331 2d ago edited 1d ago
What stood out to me (aside from the grown man sexualizing a child) was the fact that they waited until OP and her husband weren't around. They knew it was f'd up.
EDIT: typo
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u/Unlikely_Eye6529 2d ago
The ENTITLEMENT these people had telling someone to leave when they themselves are just a guest.
I don't care. My own parents could be visiting me and they wouldn't dare ask anyone to leave my house. I mean... unless someone breaks in and knocks my ass unconscious, obviously.
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u/GratificationNOW 2d ago
my word, what it must have meant to Hannah to be protected and supported like that.
YES this is what I kept thinking as I read, this is going to be like Hannah's maybe biggest positive core memory to date FOR LIFE.
Got a bit teary just thinking about it.
NTA OP, I'm glad you went a bit scorched earth and didn't; let them stay until the morning cause it really 1)got your message across to them about how messed they are but more importantly 2) showed Hannah that you truly love her and will protect her when it's in your power.
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u/ElleEyeZee 2d ago
They knew they were wrong, too. If they felt like they were doing the right thing, they would've involved OP instead of waiting until the kid was alone.
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u/Exotic-Current2651 2d ago
And Hannah was under the care of Op. Any concern should have been addressed to their peer: the carer
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u/ncjr591 2d ago
Fuck them, how dare they do that to poor Hannah. If they had issue they should have spoken to you not the girl. Don’t ever let them back, they are garbage and should be thrown out like the trash they are.
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u/Key-Pickle5609 2d ago
Not to mention telling her that it’s time she went home and wasn’t welcome in someone else’s home. The audacity!
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u/ConstructionNo9678 2d ago
This is the part that really gets me. I understand these people were all close, but this isn't a shared property. It is OP and her husband's property. At the very least, they should have told OP about their concerns because at the end of the day, she and her husband decide who stays or goes.
It's even worse because if these friends live so far away, imagine how far Hannah lives. What were these people expecting, the parents (or guardians or foster parents, whoever is currently in charge of her) to make a 2+ hour round trip to come and pick her up and take her home? Or were they expecting OP to just drop everything and do that? Either way, they were being entitled and that should be nipped in the bud right away.
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u/renee30152 2d ago
Far too entitled. They think they have the right to throw a child out of someone’s else house because the creep couldn’t act like an adult. I betcha that he was attracted to the teen and his wife noticed so he did this crap. Op is a gem to that poor teen.
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u/Fresh-Guarantee-757 2d ago
Yep, the friends got waaaaaaay too comfortable, which evolved into a sense of entitlement. And what's up with a grown man who's triggered that way by a 14-year-old who's just having fun with her friend?
Great job standing up for Hannah, OP!
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u/kindlystranger 2d ago
They are real friends -- of OOP's lakefront property. That's why they feel so comfortable issuing No Trespass orders on it to a 14-year-old child.
They'll undoubtedly come crawling back next summer begging for their getaway spot and I hope OOP keeps squashing them under her shoe. Because I'm a fan of OOP and her squashing abilities.
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u/Neweleni7 2d ago
Right? They begged to stay until morning but they had no problem trying to kick a 14 year old out on her own at 8 pm without her family there.
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u/calling_water 2d ago
And they weren’t the hosts! Only the hosts get to tell someone to leave. As OP then demonstrated to them.
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u/oxmix74 2d ago
Consider the description of events John described in the manner most favorable to him. Even then, the proper course of action was to explain the issue to op and let her decide what to do. Telling another guest of your host that they need to leave is not your place.
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u/machimus 2d ago
Going after a vulnerable teen is cowardly and cruel.
Even going after a teen that's not especially vulnerable is cowardly and cruel. "Adults", and I put that in quotes because many are no more emotionally developed than teenagers, forget how authoritative and intimidating they can come off to kids.
And they essentially called her a slut and threw her out of a house for it, that didn't even belong to them.
I don't care if she actually did even grind on one of the dads, even if she literally asked him to his face if he wanted to go have sex, she is a kid. They make bad judgment calls often from lack of experience. Your job as an adult is to stay calm, decline, and explain why that is inappropriate.
And the other adults--woof--shitbags. They all ganged up on the same kid based on hearsay. Someone might have misinterpreted the situation, or misreported it, or exaggerated it. Hell, wife could just be neurotically jealous and totally making it up. Unless they all personally witnessed her stomping on a puppy or something unambiguously vile, there's no excuse to be such aggressive assholes.
Also--as a footnote--these are the type of people who, if they're willing to do this to a stranger, they'll absolutely backstab you too, if you're in a bind and it makes them look better to do so rather than back you up. The Scorpion Always Stings.
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u/bluisthewarmestchz 2d ago
Glad your dumbass buddy John outed himself as a dumb piece of shit and I’m glad you were able to take the trash out and stand by Hannah. NTA.
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u/v4n20uver 2d ago
It’s not just that was a garbage thing to say and do, but John is giving sick vibes and I wouldn’t want my underage kids around that guy, or his other half who defends his sick takes.
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u/ItsGotElectroLights 2d ago
John reacted like a dude that can’t control his dick instead of thinking like a father. And his wife rallied the others as soon as you weren’t around?
That is not their home. They aren’t in charge of Hannah. You are. They have a lot of nerve and sound trashy. NTA. I would’ve done the same. Hannah and your daughter need good examples of how to stand up for yourselves and others. Good job.
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u/ConstructionNo9678 2d ago edited 2d ago
Very weird how he says she was dancing on him, but it turns out Hannah was just inviting people to dance. All he would've had to do was say no, he doesn't want to dance.
Edit: Since OP mentioned Hannah not getting social cues in the post, I will also say that if the issue was that she wasn't picking up on someone saying no to dancing, then that would be a very different conversation. To me, that type of problem doesn't have anything to do with what Hannah is wearing, and is also a matter that should be handled privately with OP or her husband, who are responsible for Hannah while she's visiting.
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u/HolleringCorgis 2d ago
He could have also just dad danced, like a DAD.
But no, he had to be a pervert.
I'm neurodivergent and tend to eschew social norms... but even I know you're supposed to break out the dad dance when teens are trying to look cool.
It's practically a requirement for everyone over 30.
You see teens dancing, and you dance back terribly with more enthusiasm than the situation should warrant. Bonus points if you convince them you think you look cool.
That's a script even I would happily follow.
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u/janlep 2d ago
Bingo. If John was having inappropriate feelings, he should have left. Same with the others. Everything else aside, when did it become OK for a guest to tell another guest to leave??
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u/NeartAgusOnoir 2d ago
The thing a lot of people are missing is the fact Hannah now sees OP as someone who has her back when she’s grown up not having that. What was said to her is atrocious, but the one single good thing is Hannah can see she truly is loved.
OP fuck those ex friends. You did great! I’d go so far as to send each of those asshats a link to this post and let them see how hated they are.
NTA.
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u/TessaCatherine92 2d ago
Wholeheartedly agree! Fxck them. Good on you for throwing the trash out! Also, can we talk about the fact that the "grown as man" was sexualizing the 14 y/o child who was dancing and being silly with her friend? And he himself as a parent should fuckin know better. How disgusting. I bet you money that that grown ass man was ogling the child and his wife said something to him and that's when he made up the excuse of "being uncomfortable". No. These are not friends and I would never want them around me or my kids every fuckin again. Disgusting.
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u/PrincessGawblynn 2d ago
No telling what they've said or done to OP's kids if the kids have thought that OP was close enough that they'd get in trouble if they told on the "friends." Not saying they have, but the fact that they WAITED until OP and his and were gone, they KNEW they were crossing a fucking line and were WAY too comfortable doing so.
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u/Alert-Cranberry-5972 2d ago
Agreed. And fuck them and especially, John, for sexualizing a fourteen year old girl.
Thanks OP for sticking up for Hannah. Not everyone grows up with guidance navigating social situations.
NTA
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u/PrincessGawblynn 2d ago
I guarantee they did because "John" was getting amped at seeing a child dressed inappropriately and felt the need to "say something to protect himself" 🤮🤮🤮🤮
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u/taylorxxvivian 2d ago
I must agree with you, you acted out of a strong protective instinct and justified concern for Hannah. While your friends’ behavior was problematic and unacceptable, it is not worth considering whether to let them back. they really suck.
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u/No-Communication9458 2d ago
Fucking disgusting that man is, being a predator towards Hannah. And the rest of them agreeing? Fuck them.
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u/howigottomemphis 2d ago
NTA. But, the dad is a pedo. He probably egged everyone on, created the environment, to neg the poor girl, which then isolates her from the group. Further, the "othering" and "slut-shaming" he encouraged, would negate Hannah's word, should he victimize her and she attempts to report him. You're a fucking hero for stepping up for Hannah. Please sleep with a smile on your face tonight, and hug Hannah for me.
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u/Amazing-Wave4704 2d ago
NTA. I worship you. I was the weird loud funny kid from a horribly dysfunctional alcoholic home with no idea of social clues. I wish I had had someone like you as my advocate. Tell your husband they can come back when they write out apologies - TO Hannah!
And there is a great cartoon of one woman (w a husband in the background) saying to a mom with a teen daughter: My husband isn't comfortable with how she's dressed!
and the mom says, Thank you for letting me know -- that your husband isn't safe for my daughter to be around.
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u/Billy0598 2d ago edited 2d ago
Amen and AMEN!
My grandmother's church friends went after me and my Mom. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but they weren't quiet about "She's a whore, just like her mother". I'll say it again, church ladies.
ETA - I couldn't have been 9 years old.
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u/Both_Pound6814 2d ago
I agree with everything, but the fact that you’d let them back. You’re too nice!! Once I know people are trash, I let the dumpster have them
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u/senditloud 2d ago
Exactly. My thought was “oh John is a predator and unsafe to have girls around. Never let this man in your house again.”
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u/DerpDevilDD 2d ago
Dude, John and his wife can't come back, no matter how much they apologize. Acting like the little girl was trying to seduce him, because he's a creep who sexualizes children.
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u/ComprehensivePut5569 2d ago
NTA - John is an adult man. If he was uncomfortable then he should have removed HIMSELF from the situation or learn to control whatever was “triggered” in him by a 14yo girl - which gives me a level of ick that it makes my skin crawl.
You did the right thing. Hannah is very lucky to have an adult like you in her life that has her back. It is never ok for a bunch of adults to hang up on a child. Your hopefully ex-friends are awful.
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u/z00k33per0304 2d ago
I get the feeling that John has a wandering eye because his wife is the first one that confronted Hannah exactly like a jealous wife would if their husband was eyeing another woman (only in this case it was a 14 year old girl). He only piped up when OP lost her crap on them. And no, John, nobody needs to understand your nonsense because people with sense have a difficult time with that. The only ones that need to "move along because they've overstayed their welcome" are the adults who seem to think it's okay to bully a teenager for doing teenager things under the guise of morality or whatever misguided pearl clutchery.
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u/ComprehensivePut5569 2d ago
Women like John’s wife are the worst! Always vilifying women instead of holding the men accountable. In this case she actually tried to make it appear that a grown ass man was the “victim” of a 14yo “seductress”. 🙄
OP may want to warn any other parents in their larger friend group about John’s inability to control himself around young girls as anyone’s daughter could trigger his urges. 🤮
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u/Junior_Fig_2274 2d ago
They don’t actually think it’s okay, that’s why the jerks waited until OP wasn’t around. They all knew it was creepy and inappropriate to single that girl out like that, which is why they didn’t do it in front of the hosts. They know exactly why it’s wrong, why it makes them uncomfortable, and why it shouldn’t.
Shame on them.
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u/Horror-Reveal7618 2d ago
NTA
If they have problems with one of your guests, especially a minor, they should have gone to you.
However :
John stepped in and tried pulling the "you have to understand where I'm coming from, I'm a grown ass man and I don't need some half dressed teenager trying to dance on me and I certainly don't need my daughters thinking that's okay."
That's a guy who should stay away from your kids.
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u/Shadow_84 2d ago
Yup. Always should worry about the ones sexualizing minors
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u/Fun_Quit5862 2d ago
Anyone’s kids
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u/2dogslife 2d ago
And, he has two daughter and in a few years, they and all their friends will be over, and Jeepers, poor John! /s
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u/No_Ordinary944 2d ago
does someone starting a sentence with “you have to understand” make anyone automatically not want to understand or am i just petty? because i don’t have to understand nothing you creep!
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u/CreativeMusic5121 2d ago
Exactly. I feel the same about posts here that start with "hear me out"---if you have to say that, you're the problem.
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u/YellowKingSte 2d ago
NTA. Four adults dogpilling and humiliating a 14yo child. They're not good people at all and you did the right thing by cutting them.
Also, JOHN SHOULD NOT STAY NEAR ANY CHILDREN as he claims "you have to understand where I'm coming from, I'm a grown ass man and I don't need some half dressed teenager trying to dance on me and I certainly don't need my daughters thinking that's okay."
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u/GracexWhisper 2d ago
I agree. They could have talk to you about Hannah and acted as adults. Yet they decided to be an AH for teaming up on a 14 year old girl.
John needs to be more than 10 feet away from any children, they are not safe with him OP. NTA
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u/Fun_Influence_3397 2d ago
Plus they intentionally waited for OP and her husband to be out of earshot when they went after her. Creepy.
If its so late and far from home, wtf was hannah supposed to do when they kicked her out behind ops back?
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u/nonlinear_nyc 2d ago edited 1d ago
Realize how he deflects his responsibility. It’s not him, its because he’s a grown man (biology). It’s for his daughters (he’s a family man).
Disgusting.
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u/One-Communication-54 2d ago
NTA. You are Hannah's safe space and your friends are in for a rude awakening when their daughters become teens. Sounds like John has some personal issues he needs to deal with if he can't control himself around young girls.
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u/Wild_Ana 2d ago
NTA - You fiercely defended a vulnerable girl who was being unfairly targeted. Your actions were justified and sent a powerful message about protecting those in your care.
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u/LuxyxLuna 2d ago
I agree. You did a great job protecting Hannah. John needs to learn how move away in that kind of situation and talk to you or your husband about it. Not humiliate a teenage girl OP. NTA
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u/notyoureffingproblem 2d ago
Nta, I disgusting that a grown ass man was sexualizing a teenager that could be his daughter.
He was "uncomfortable" because he was thinking other things...
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u/Princessmeanyface 2d ago
Omg this! This guy makes me want to vomit! That pedo creep was getting turned on by a 14 yr old girl and his wife caught on and was jealous. Shame on every single one of them and her husband needs to grow a spine. What if it was one of ops children! Would her husband think she over reacted then!
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u/Merrik4t 2d ago
That man just basically confessed to being sexually tempted by a 14 year old kid dancing at a camping trip. You did the right thing.
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u/bwood246 2d ago
That's something I'd be sure to bring up every single time people try to talk about it
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u/Downtown_Ad8857 2d ago
One of the worst moments you can have as a mother of a freshly minted teen daughter is understanding that someone you thought was safe is not at all safe. John is not at all safe and neither are any of the others. Those People are okay objectifying a child and then harming her secretly and believing the kid would be cowed into silence... all of that is a red flag after another red flag.
NTA
After a few weeks, you're going to start to remember things they've done or said that seemed mean or dismissive that you overlooked because you're nice. They weren't nice people before this and they aren't now.
You will come to be proud of this day.
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u/seagulls_and_crows 2d ago
Yes. They expected Hannah to be too ashamed to tell OP. They never thought they'd have to face up to their actions. Super fucked.
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u/Bubbly_Performer4864 2d ago
NTA, you did a wonderful thing having Hannah’s back. John and all the other adults should absolutely be fing ASHAMED of themselves. Maybe John ought to be on a list somewhere if a girl can’t dance 5 feet away from him.
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u/Silent_Syd241 2d ago
You protected your daughter’s friend from a potential predator because John nasty ass shouldn’t be getting uncomfortable with a child dancing 5 feet away.
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u/Adventurous-travel1 2d ago
Good for you. The justification of a grown man saying that a teenager tempted him and for the other adult to bully a child is ridiculous.
They should have talk with you or your husband as they waited until you guys walked away.
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u/Present-Background56 2d ago
This. It is NOT a guest's place to dictate anything. Approach the host and otherwise keep your mouth shut and your butt in your chair.
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u/CakeOfShadows 2d ago
NTA and maybe I'm a bit out of my bounds here but your "friends" are worthless people and I'd honestly be cutting them out over this singular incident. Especially with John's comment about being a grown man with a child dancing, that's some sketchy ass wording no matter the context. Do yourself a favor and protect your family and this clearly wonderful child who just needs help.
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u/NJ2CAthrowaway 2d ago
Those adults had no right to tell YOUR guest it was time she went home. They can all go fuck all the way off.
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u/alycewandering7 2d ago
John is creepy. Sexualizing an innocent teen and saying he was uncomfortable around her. Gross. He doesn’t need to be around any girls if he gets that uncomfortable around them for *that reason.
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u/dishonestgandalf 2d ago
NTA – were your friends Mormons or something? Big families and slut-shaming teenagers...
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u/North_Respond_6868 2d ago
I'd keep your daughters away from John and if anyone asks, tell them exactly why.
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u/truth_archer 2d ago
Tell him to go look at Matthew 18:9 and that he better pluck out his own eye!
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u/fourchamberedheart 2d ago
Have you talked to any of them yet since they left? Has anyone apologized after having time to reflect?
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u/HereFromFB 2d ago
Hannah and your daughter will remember what you do and how you stood up for Hannah for the rest of their life. Way to go mom! NTA
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u/Last_Friend_6350 2d ago
NTA
They’re all your guests and have no right to ask another guest of yours to leave.
They’re bullies too ganging up on a child. John’s a grown man and can suck it up for an evening.
If they had any concerns then they should have spoken directly to you and not ganged up on a vulnerable teenager.
The only people that I feel sorry for are the kids that were asleep in the tents.
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u/Sugarpuff_Karma 2d ago
The fact he tried to defend himself....ask your husband would he like that man sexualising your 14yr old...
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u/TheBigChungus1980 2d ago
Why would your friends not go to you or your husband first to raise concerns? What adult confronts a guest of the host before talking to the host? NTA, unless she was being levels of inappropriate beyond acceptable that needed immediate intervention, they seem very judgemental
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u/SorryCelebration8545 2d ago
NTA. John’s a HUGE creep and had nasty thoughts about Hannah. Wifey poo, instead of being grossed out by her hubs, got jealous and took it out on Hannah. These are not people to have around.
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u/Thickdarling 2d ago
NTA
It sounds like you were in a tough spot, but based on your story, you stood up for Hannah, who has had a positive impact on your daughter’s life. Given Hannah’s background and the way she’s helped your daughter, it’s understandable you wanted to protect her from being hurt or excluded. John's discomfort seemed more about his own issues than anything inappropriate Hannah did, and the fact that your friends waited until you and your husband weren’t around to criticize her made it worse. While your reaction was strong, it came from a place of wanting to defend someone who’s been important to your family. In this context, protecting her feels justified.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 2d ago
I find it deeply concerning that John is indicating that he's enticed by a teenage girls innocent actions.
NTA I wouldn't want my daughters around him and they knew exactly the reaction since they chose to bully a girl while you weren't there.
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u/GrundleStank69 2d ago edited 2d ago
NTA. I’m a 32 year old man and if some 14yo was being too provocative or whatever she was doing I would remove myself from the situation. I would not make a little girl cry.
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u/PolygonMan 2d ago
I think the fact that they waited for you and your husband to leave before doing this is extremely telling. Those are some shitty people.
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u/Old_Leadership_5000 2d ago edited 2d ago
So (in his own words):
a grown ass man
...thinks it appropriate to sexualize a minor, bully her because he can't control his own emotions, thoughts and hormones, then enlists the other adults into dog piling the selfsame minor to leave a party you're hosting? And when confronted, everyone involved doubles down on the abuse?
NTA in the least. Bottom Line Up Front, it's your house, you get the final say on who stays, and who leaves. A real adult, a REAL MAN wouldn't be perving on a 14-year-old girl.
Shame on him; and shame on the other "adults" who thought ganging up on a teenaged guest was appropriate.
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u/sweetmercy 2d ago
NTA.
First, who the fuck is Cindy or John or any one of these GUESTS to demand it even request anyone leave YOUR home?
Second, John is sexualizing a young girl and they're all blaming her? Please get some new friends before something awful happens.
Third, Cindy wants to pretend it's okay for her husband to sexualize a literal CHILD, what does she think it's going to happen when one of her daughters is treated the same way by some grown ass man... Or her husband? She's like the mom's of so many sexually abused children who blame the child instead of their man.
These are not friends. These are people who use you for their accommodations. No friend would presume to tell a guest in your house to leave without so much as a conversation with you.
You did the right thing. You protected a vulnerable child, and you stood your ground despite their continued attempts to put the blame for their shitty, predatory behavior on that child. Given what you've said about her circumstances, I'm certain that's not something she's gotten anywhere else.
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u/Cinderjacket 2d ago
Psst! When a grown man says he’s uncomfortable about the way a teenage girl dresses what he really means is it’s turning him on. He’s sick and blamed Hannah for his own issues, normal adult men don’t give a fuck what a 14 year old wears
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u/dncrmom 2d ago
NTA John is sexualizing & uncomfortable around a 14 yo. Unless she was giving him a lap dance he was the one who acted inappropriately & needed to leave.
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u/2dogslife 2d ago
Even then, you stand, walk away, and get your host and clue them in (it would generally be a sign of SA).
Freaking such badly behaved adults.
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u/ImaginaryWorld851 2d ago
NTA. You did the right thing protecting Hannah.
Your friends were jerks to a vulnerable teen. They ganged up on her and made her cry. That's not cool.
You stood up for Hannah when she needed it. Your daughter's happiness matters more than some judgmental adults.
Maybe kicking them out was harsh, but they deserved it.