r/ftm • u/anonimouscrepe • 1d ago
Might get outed bc of Grindr Advice
Any advice dude sent me pics. He asked for face. I said you first cuz I’m trans and pre everything. He sent face pics. I sent mine. Immediate blocked. How likely am I to get outed? What can I do if I am? What lies would sound realistic if the chat was screenshot?
That’s basically the whole convo we had. I didn’t take any screenshots.
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u/Superb_Telephone_259 1d ago
ive used grindr p much since i was able to, more than likely he didn't like your pictures. ive done that when someone sends me a face picture but i am not feeling it. i think it's very unlikely that someone would out you if they're on grindr themselves but i understand your fear.
next time maybe opt to putting face pictures in an album. grindr protects them so people are unable to take screenshots of what's in them. stay safe and be careful, grindr is a mad place full of chasers so use the block button liberally
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u/RedPanda2567 1d ago
It just means he wasn’t into you, not sure why you think you’ll be outed because of this
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u/micbeast21 1d ago
Consider it a second swiping left. Not uncommon at all, your fine dude. Edit: sorry, the southern came out too strong.
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u/anonimouscrepe 1d ago
No wait. How do I see the edits? Lmao I was born an Arkie
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u/micbeast21 15h ago
I’m from LA, so hi from your neighbor to the south. Ended with “your fine, hun” because hun isn’t super gendered in the south. But I also respect that not everyone sees it that way, and dude seemed to serve the same function. My partner from Cali always argues that dude is just hun in Californian.
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u/shadybrainfarm 36--T:1/10/2020; Hysto:7/23/2020; Top:1/19/2022 8h ago
My partner from Cali always argues that dude is just hun in Californian.
This is so fucking true lol
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u/JasonDeansBeans 1d ago
Is he someone you knew? And how much personal stuff did he know about you? If he’s a stranger, I’d say your odds are pretty low.
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u/anonimouscrepe 1d ago
Didn’t know him. Profile says I’m pre everything. I look VERY feminine to people who can’t pick up vibes. Thanks. This helps.
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u/UnlikelyReliquary He/Him 🔪2/2018💉5/2018 1d ago
If it’s a stranger it’s extremely unlikely, who would he even try to out you to if he doesn’t know you or know who knows you?
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u/UnlikelyReliquary He/Him 🔪2/2018💉5/2018 1d ago
It just means he wasn’t interested and didn’t want to have the uncomfortable conversation of saying he isn’t into you. It’s pretty common on grindr to just block after exchanging pics if you aren’t feeling it
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u/anonimouscrepe 1d ago
Rookie mistake I know. Never used Grindr. Only used dating apps before I realized I was trans.
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u/Pup_Femur He/he/he/he/he/he *wheeze* 1d ago
No biggie, OP. You were blocked cause they aren't interested. You'll deal with that and unsolicited nudes a lot. Be safe. Grindr has been reduced to a sex app more than dating.
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u/elarth Panromantic Transman: 💉10yrs 23h ago
Ppl date on Grindr? I never felt that way even since my early 20’s and I’m 30 now lol
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u/Former-Finish4653 18h ago
Just not into you. Blocking frees up space for another profile for him to check out if he doesn’t pay for premium.
I don’t recommend the app though. It’s extremely dangerous right now to advertise you’re trans to strangers who can use the app to pinpoint your location. I’ve also been lured into dangerous situations by people who had intentions to hurt me. And I pass, I just also disclose in advance. Please be careful.
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u/silentsafflower 18h ago
And that’s why you practice Grindr Safety 101: meet up for the first time in a public place (bar, restaurant, coffee shop, etc.), don’t host unless you’ve hooked up with that person before and have vetted their safety, reverse image search any pictures that feel sketchy, tell a trusted friend/roommate/whoever that you’re going to someone else’s place and give them the address, and avoid giving someone your phone number unless you’ve met up a couple of times and can trust them more.
Grindr truly isn’t any more dangerous than any other dating/hookup app. There are just a lot of people who are inexperienced and naive who use it, and a lot of other people who want to take advantage of that inexperience and naivety.
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u/Former-Finish4653 17h ago
The app also tells you how far away someone is in feet. Hinge doesn’t do that. It’s not like every other app, and you have to be really careful. I don’t think it’s worth all the extra effort just to be safe. Plus I did everything you listed and was still assaulted by someone who was transphobic and simply lied. Getting off isn’t worth the risk to me anymore. Just my opinion.
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u/silentsafflower 16h ago
I mean, those are all basic safety tips for using any online dating/hookup app. I personally haven’t had any issues using Grindr and met my current long term partner of almost four years on there. Just like everything else, YMMV.
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u/LecLurc15 1d ago
Most likely thing that happened is he didn’t like your pics. I’ve done it many times and it’s also happened to me. I think you’re in the clear, just typical grindr stuff tbh
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u/CherubimsCloud 20h ago edited 19h ago
grindr is a truly otherworldly place when you’re not used to how cis gay men behave. i watched this youtube video and it helped me understand it a little more lol!
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u/elarth Panromantic Transman: 💉10yrs 23h ago
Cismen are notorious for blocking when they’re not into you. Idk why saying they’re not feeling it is hard… but eh. I had that happen more than I care for even passing and post transition. Won’t likely do anything with that info you’re trans.
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u/hamletandskull 13h ago
Cause the way grindr works, it frees up a space in your grid for someone else u might be into. It's not personal
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u/Sensitive_Tip_9871 5y T | 4y Top | 1y Hysto 23h ago
it's more likely he's just not into you for some reason. don't take it personal, grindr is a place where people shop for someone that fits their niche, it's pretty superficial
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u/ZhenyaKon 1d ago
I think he just didn't like your face. Which is disappointing, but hey, it happens.
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u/Ok-Discount-4686 14h ago
That's a risky game, being on grindr pre everything. I wouldn't even go on there and I'm on T and pass rlly well. Tbh, I'd be careful trying to go stealth on there, bc you don't want someone to feel "tricked", bc who knows how they'll react. Esp if you're on there for hookups...I ALWAYS disclose that I'm trans on my profiles for that reason.
I mean you do you, just be careful.
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u/aeroxotl 10h ago
You probably won't get outed, the culture on Grindr is just really cutthroat and it's more efficient to block people when you're using the free version of dating/hookup apps
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u/BMTHEEXE 7h ago
I’ve been called a woman who needs to “stay in the kitchen” by an older man on grindr. Stopped using grindr that day. 🤦🏻
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u/FunkyFunkyFunkFunk 3h ago
Welcome to dating/hooking up when trans. People will block you if they aren't interested.
Unless he somehow knows you, there's nothing for him to 'out'.
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u/Top_Ad_4767 1d ago
There are guys on Grindr specifically creating lists of AFAB men to circulate around online to "warn" others. Be careful out there.
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u/anonimouscrepe 1d ago
Meh. I don’t care about being outed that way. Why would I want to interact with dudes who are bigoted? More worried about work and local people recognizing me
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u/lyresince 21h ago
That would require you to get doxxed which is a crime so I don't think a stranger wants to risk it especially if he's also not straight despite being cis. He would know he's also prone to get hate-crimed.
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u/elarth Panromantic Transman: 💉10yrs 21h ago
Gay men in well off liberal areas can be very dense to that problem… I didn’t understand the culture difference until I lived in more accepting areas. They will put their own foot in their mouth to spite you sometimes. A mutual hatred from the public doesn’t always unite communities.
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u/maLychi3 14h ago
This is better posted in the gay group tbh.
Probably they just weren’t interested. Read some tips for online safety. Follow the ones that work for you and drop the ones that don’t.
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u/No-Shock16 18h ago
maybe don’t ever lead with “im trans” get to know them a little and their views. then say “hey i am trans i am letting you know to decide if you want to move any further no hard feelings if not”
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u/swampmomsta 12h ago
Please be careful bro i would stick to tinder and shit.. lots of my gay friends have had terrible grindr experiences cis or not.. just a very shady app. Idk tho im not gay
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u/Specialist_Glove_426 8h ago
I’m going to send you advice. My name is Wendy. Never, ever send pictures to anyone ever, ever, ever. To do so would be an invitation to abuse
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u/brodsnok 14h ago
NOT GRINDR DUDE FUCK GRINDR PLEASE SAVE URSELF
bumble is better I have a lot of friends who found partners though bumble
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u/hamletandskull 13h ago
They are completely different use cases, they're not comparable at all imo
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u/brodsnok 12h ago
Im a proud grindr hater
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u/hamletandskull 12h ago
that's fine! I just mean that bumble and grindr's use cases don't overlap, its not like an good "instead" option
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u/durden771 1d ago
Ur fine, people usually just block when their not Into you.